Happy
When I was one and twenty
To Ol’ Friends I will go
To drink some beer and shoot some pool
And hang out with my bros
I don’t know where the night will take us
I just know I will not drive
Maybe to the honkeytonk
To show them how I jive.
It feels so good
To be this age for so long I have waited
Just hanging out and having fun
The thought makes me elated.
Bummer
When I was one and twenty
I have to leave my friends
To go to school and read some books
Not glad of how this ends.
I don’t like leaving home
For the school I chose to pick
My friends are here my rots are deep
The thought can make me sick.
Off to school I go now
Summer memories bright in my head
No home cooked meals endless nights
And of course my comfy bed.
Mixed feelings
When I was one and twenty
School work still in my mind
To drink or study that’s the question
What mischief can I find?
My friends at school are great
Not as much as those from home
We still have fun and happy times
When Athens we do roam.
I will surely miss the farmer’s fields
And stacking hay up in the barns
But Athens is a wondrous place
With many subtle charms.
Kevin,
ReplyDeleteYou have some poetic skills, for sure. I like what you're doing in the last poem, especially the image of stacking hay. I wonder if it could be a slightly more serious poem, though, in which you really address the pros and cons of being away from home.
As for the first two, I'd like them better if the tenses were right in the first lines. Both have verve and potential.
Work on eliminating especially awkward rhythm. Give these a quick read and see what you might want to rewrite.
Im seriously jealous of how effortless it seems to be for you to write poems! I loved the happy poem, it really played to the emotions of being 21.
ReplyDeleteI like all these poems. It's interesting how you included your home as well as school life in them. I like how they're all a little bit country.
ReplyDelete